My Way

… like that song by Usher?

Was planning on posting my resolutions, but thought better of it, as this year I’ll be keeping them between me and my successes, right next to that unopened bottle of henn and the keys to my forest green jag.  Instead, Imma start off ahead of the game and post my christmas wish list (for next year). so that when mom and dad figure out google and find my ass, they’ll know what to send me. hurr goes. (in no particular order)

10. Jean Underwear, one pair. – no explanation required.

9. Motzarella Sticks, three. – from Jack in tha Box, as they allow you to order in said quantity.

8. Street Meat, fucking many- those dawgs are delicious. and i haven’t had one for months, i kinda tapered off with em after i met el farolito. but that bacon wrapped goodness needs to come back to me this year. there’s a void. right above my belt. where the bluubs should be at.

7. Super Veggie Burritos, plenty – because they (the el farlito-ans) do something so wrong that it’s right to that rice. And because the cash register guy’s hair is so thick that his scalp has NEVER seen the light of day.

6. Skills and Abilities, myriad - like tight-rope walking, back flipping, calculus, advanced dick handling, and bionic hearing.

5. Personal Librarian, one- do you know anyone with their own, personal, librarian? me neither. and i want one. for christmas next year. i’ll totally win book club.

4. Asian Panda, twins- awwwwwwww. best pet ever, don’t you think?

3. Bamboo Shoots, ten year supply X two – for Bernie and George Foreman, my Asian Panda Twins.

2. Readers, 3 dozen – By next christmas, i figure that my head will be securely attached to my shoulders and i’ll be self-aware enough to put something out there that’s nice and…. safe.

and finally….

1. An extra limb, one. – just in case, yadadamean.

mauve-colored feelings

…. because the freedom of expression is a right that your awkwardly dressed neighbor deserves to abuse just as much as i do.

what IS HAPPENING?!

she got that main piece at american apparel. i know because i considered it during my romper phase (not that that phase is over, mind you). anyway, why? specifically, why the shiny shiny face? they don’t sell oilblotters in whorelando? well this can’t be orlando- because of the sparkly sheen leggings – too shwetty and hot in florida for sparkly tights. and who am i to mock outfits, face make up, less-than-chaste decisions, or bad tattoo choices anyway? Let she who is very thin and righteous and sharply dressed and tramp-stamp-free, throw the first dooozey – comedic fist pump combo.

ya dig?

The Palm Sprangs Roll

…because relaxation is the sincerest form of debauchery.

have you ever been to palm sprangs?

just this past weekend, i spent the weekend there.

For an amigo’s cumpleano. we stayed at the hilton. we brunched. we champagned. we spaaa-ed. yeah. we casinoed. we gay-bar hopped. i ate a family sized serving of buttered mushrooms. also a family sized serving of macaroni and cheese. also a years worth of family sized tumblers of sangria, a dirty martini straight up, an (s)hot of JOSE, and a couple o’ RBVs.  because there’s nothing more refreshing than a mixed bag hangover and the aftertaste of cheese and mushrooms.  and creme brulee. and shame.

and there’s nothing that says “grown ass woman” like vomiting fruit flavored  pedialite over a concrete barrier in Banning, California with affliction-clad locals looking on.  THAT, homie, is textbook maturity. on second thought, that is Textbook Maturity (with capital letters and shit).

One of the things i like the most about having my birthday fall right in the middle of  the holidays (aside from always being able to guestimate a size UP on the birthday outfit – Thank YOU, Thanksgiving!) is that i have the opportunity to re-cycle my make a change speech.  Like the month between my birthday and NYE is just the right amount of time to demolish my “this year of my life resolve” and plagiarise it into a well thought out New Years Resolution.  what urrrrr though. I’ll be back. And I’ll most likely still be your “fun friend” and you’ll most likely still be just a little bit jealous because that soft blue from the bags under my eyes (brought on by livin la vida loooooca longtime) really will continue to highlight the blues of my babies. which, i will not hesitate to remind you, will continue to feed whatever my heart desires. 

 

a journey of choices

Kenny G and Kenny Rogers share a profile on match dot com. fact. 

i went on match dot com. also fact.

it was depressing (for me). true.

i did not post a photo. say word.

On saturday, i was sitting on my bed in my room (i’m in a studio now, so it’s my living, eating, sleeping, playing, rumpusing, throwing my clothes around – room), gazing into my kitchen HWHEN. i saw a fucking mouse. i fucking hate mice. they’re sick. and unnerving. and once, in Albany, i woke up with a fucking mouse on my fucking face and i fucking killed it two days later. moral of this story is – you come into my rooming in the middle of my night and you come on or near my face ill fucking kill you dead within a matter of days. (agression much?) yizzer. so anyways. now i’ve got a mouse in my stood (io). and it’s teeny (my studio, not the mouse.)

notice the photo of me killing a mouse with my bare hands :0)

So anyways. I’ve got a mouse and i’ve got to kill it. but then, you know, i live in a big building, that’s kinda old, full of little stoods. and i’m thinking maybe this whole place is overun by mice, like one of those horrible full length animated bullshits. Needless to say i hopped in a zipcar with the homie and hit up target. as target is your one-stop-rodent killing -arsenal shop (i also bought a digi cam, some facewash, and a couple of G2s cause i’m eclectic). I picked up these little pluggy pieces that bzzzzz. Word is that they ward off vermin.  my deal is, I have no idea what pets my neighbors horde.  So like if susie and dave to my left (no idea!) are big into gerbils (again, no idea!), i’m sure these past couple nights have been pretty rough on their dispositions.

whatever though.  I’m not TRYING to wake up with Ralph S. doing the splits on my brow bone, ya dig?

untitled one

(cause even dupree liked to bust out the candles.)

said i’m broke down - don’t have jokes now.  need some silence and some soft words. not simultaneoulsy though. i mean, never that.  i don’t throw my wits away just cause i’m not triple witty today.

pulled meaning out of metaphor – realized it wasn’t meant to be.  made up this whole ‘you an me’ tip and now i’ve got me.  and somedays that’s like emptyhanded. other days i’m too much.

it’s not poetic just because it’s out of your lips, or is it? because i like your mouth and i’ve gone again and second guessed myself.

i fell in love before, broke my own heart. 

and i’m

not that naive anymore.

but i’m still here. just a hardened version of my virgin self . but

i have retained though.

i now know

that “you” is ohso solitary. but, changes? maybe on the hour. so projected and. a total concoction. i made it myself.

can’t seem to find myself conventional. can’t put you on if you’re you.  the others though, i can play that game for days.

and two moments afterward, it’s clear as a hot day. without the heatwaves. heavenly even. and i’m spreading butter all over my suroundings. like it’s all toast. and i’m toasting. toasty. can’t stop smiling cause it’s in me. not reliant on another. i’ve got this , this time.

i’ve gotta know it won’t last forever. it can’t last forever. inspiration without instigation an insinuation of how i should stay living .  you can’t trip me when i’m already falling. in love with this life.

you can’t trip me cause i’m already falling in love with right now.

you can’t trip me up cause i’ve already fallen in love. with the moment i’m trapped in. and am carrying with me for the rest of the journey.

oublier

and i regress.

slash.

digress

slash

get dressed (c) a friend.

Up until this point my life may have actually been a roadmap to crazy. I’ve detoured through some pretty sane times but for the most part it’s been some obscure-ass illogical meandering.

the two things i regret least are definitely 1)my Maple Leaf Trampstamp and 2)not applying myself 89% of the time.

Those are two decisions that i take proud ownership of. fucking daily, yo.

aside from those two. i’ve got gray area. i don’t know if any of you are like me but i have this tendency to get angry mostly at myself.  it’s like i’m yet to figure out that i’ve got to be on my own team. it’s like that song. the one that started “…can we forget about the things i said when i was drunk…” (if you don’t know i’m referring to ‘my own worst enemy’)

Now that I’ve referenced the 90’s. my job is done here.

Diss appointement

that’s french for kiss my ass.

so. Hairy Potter came out today.  I’m into that. BIGTIME.

you ever expect something to be so good and then it isn’t and then you feel foolish? or worse yet, you ever expect something to be mediocre only, then let it grow on you, then realize no, Atonement really IS a bad movie after all.

and maybe it isn’t a movie. maybe it’s an entire grammatical category. or your sense of smell.

the awesome list

10. Lisa Lampenelli.

9. Marshall

8. David Caruso

7. Terrel Owens

6. Joaquin Pheonix

5. Mapplethorpe

4. Jennifer Weiner

3. Neil Young

2. Bob Dylan

1. Michael Phelps

(what, now, bitches!?)

journey

the band?

jeez. I miss blogging like i miss my dignity.

but a girl has responsibilites and the sleep schedule of a 3 toed sloth. so uh yeah.

things have been. warmer, and a little more global than usual. i’ve read a couple books, eaten a couple of meals, and ridden a couple of planes.

made some new friends, rendayed with some old ones. and yeaah, you know. the same old.

i’m sleepy as hell and still trying to puzzleify my saturday night which is, if you know me, not a particularly uncommon challenge. but i’m still just not very good at it.  although a fine gentleman from Peet’s coffee DID return my driver’s license.  so i’ve got that going for me.

I’ve got a new roommate, I’ve lost an old one. Brobo and Riri got a kitty and refused to name her SHEEAT. despite my grumblings.  I’m going to see schwabby this weekend and am quakin in my boots with anticipation.

Also, that took place. meaning, maya angelou came to a 4th of ju-romper party that i was at and totally rocked the luge.

Speaking of  Luges. unsure. but i thought of this little witticism:

‘Those who believe that fashion is uniform are most likely unaware that they’re wearing one’

actually, i read that in a blog. a really popular one.

overheard:

 

“when i grow up, I wanna be on Reality TV”

 

“hmm, Unfortunately, your dream is fail. as there are no ‘grown-ups’ on Reality TV if they did exist there, then it wouldn’t be reality, really…

well, now that i give it some thought, there are a few exceptions to this rule. There’s Daisy from Daisy of love and there’s Flava Flav from… Public Enemy- Oh yeah, and there’s Dr House and Jack Bauer from Celebrity Death Match.”