Well hello there. I’m Chris and I look forward to living with you.
I’m an ideal cohabitator for myriad reasons (which i’ll get into, no doubt) but number one would have to be my signature joke. It goes a little something like this:
*Snagglefaced gremlinlike hugeman enters mall parking lot, stealing the attention of everyone not only in it’s path, but also within a 52 yard radius.
*no one knows what to say. there’s a lot of awkward silence. you can hear julie’s stomach growling because she’s hungry, and also because she’s angry about sandwich theft. just in general.
Chris: “oh man, that snaggleface is pretty hot, huh guys?”
*cue laughter.
You might think this joke is simple, but it isn’t. it’s all about the delivery. and people love that. which brings up another reason that i’m great to live with. i love getting food delivered to the house. not limited to pizza. and also thai food when the time is right. i might even let you watch me eat it. which is a great perk. that other guy brought up his cooking skills (which sounded like lies laced with bullshit, laced with a bunch of exaggerating, laced with cocaine), but it’s only fair that i fill you in on how i’m actually an ace pizza tosser and cheese distributor, to boot. i mean. for fucksakes i’m italian! and i’m pretty good at heating up bean things. for snacks, or as meal replacements when the time is right.
The other MAJOR PLUS to having me as a roommate would have to be my haircut. it’s top notch, would win out in a haircut contest, and often has the ladies swoonin when they ride by. on bicycles or just on foot. I was voted nicest eyes three years running in the Berne-Westerloo School District. ain’t nobody fuckin with my baby blue-ishes. and do you like a housemate that knows how to listen? Well, maybe you need a boyfriend and not a housemate, so maybe you should be on match dot com and not on craigslist, or in the personals and not the housing wanted section. we good?
